It's been quite some time since I truly sat down and blogged. For a long time I couldn't figure out why I stopped. I've realized as things in my life got too difficult to bear it became more and more difficult to share openly and honestly. It became a chore to share my heart. I got scared... scared of the sin in my life becoming common knowledge (like it wasn't already), scared of being judged, scared of my sin and the sin around me being used by people as an excuse not to trust God... I was scared. and if I'm totally honest I still am!
That last 2 or 3 years have been tough. Our family has gone through some serious emotional turmoil. Our marriage was in jeapordy, our family was falling apart. Friendships were broken. Trust was destroyed. I was on the verge of giving up. There are days that I still am. Adoption is tough... being a mom to 9 is tough... being a mom to children with huge emotional hurt is tough. Being me is tough!! I am my own worst enemy.
When we returned from Haiti and started looking for help for our family it got even harder. Hearing words like ADHD, ADD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Mood Disorders, Bi-Polar being used about your family is tough. When you start to realize that maybe your own behavior could be factor in all this it gets tougher. When trusting God is a day to day struggle, it's nearly impossible to trust other human beings. Trust becomes a huge issue!
As Jody and I wade through the day to day struggles we are beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel. We see hope blossoming. We see trust building . We see a positive legacy growing. It's not an easy job. Some days we truly want to give up and walk away. Those days are tough to get through. But we press on. What choice do we have?
Once our family heals, my hope is to return to blogging. I love to write. I love to share our story but for now our focus is on healing. And trusting. And learning to be a healthy family once again.
4 comments:
Sharing your heart is hard but thank you for doing it. No one is perfect even when it looks like it from the outside looking in. God bless you for going the distance even when the going is tough. I pray each day will bring glimpses of sunshine and joy.
hi gail~
thinking of you! i'll be praying....please let me know if you need anything!
love ya,
missy
Ditto to what Kim said. Thank you for being honest. Praying for your hurting & healing hearts.
Gail,
Good for you. He never promised us a rose garden but sometimes we don't think we have it in us to walk through the jungle. Oh, that's right. He told us we couldn't do that alone either! Such a balance between "doing the living" and "leaning on Him to do it." Do the work by the Holy Spirit. (If you get a chance, work through Beth Moore's "Living Beyond Yourself." It's fantastic!)
Take care!
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