Yesterday there was an article on MSN titled "How to get your 'sexy' back after 40". Intrigued I decided I'd check it out. When I began reading it I thought, ok this sounds like me... sweats instead of jeans... hair in ponytail instead of taking the time to do it... eating standing up because as soon as I sit down I have to get up... and the list went on. I was thinking alright, maybe I'll get some practical advice now.
Although some of the advice was good I was very disappointed in the majority of it. Suggestions such as, have your husband babysit so you can go out on the town with the girls and tell him you aren't going grocery shopping today and if he doesn't like it that's just to bad seemed counter productive to a marriage.
Don't get me wrong, I think that everyone needs time to spend with friends. Getting dressed up occasionally and going to lunch or shopping with the girls is a great idea. What I don't agree with, especially if your marriage isn't stable, is a night on the town, dressed sexy without your husband. How is going out and having men, other than your husband, provide that rush that comes from knowing someone thinks you are beautiful a good idea? And if we are honest with ourselves, there isn't anyone, male or female, that doesn't want that. But, how is having that come from anyone but your husband going to reconnect you with the man you fell in love with?
After reading that advice and truly thinking about it, I had to ask myself, "how would I feel if Jody were to go out with the boys and women were flirting with him?" I know I wouldn't like it one bit! Being totally honest, I'd be furious!
I realize it is possible that some people just aren't able to make a marriage work. I'm not suggesting that a woman (or a man for that matter) stay in an abusive or dangerous relationship. What I'm suggesting is, if your marriage has just lost its "zing" find a way to get it back.
My suggestions would be a little different than the woman who wrote the article.
I feel like I need to put a disclaimer in here... I know that a lot of women will say things like "why should I get dressed up if all I'm doing is staying home?" or "if my husband helped more I would have more energy to dress nicer, be less tired etc." Men should work just as hard at keeping a marriage active, vibrant and alive. But, I'm not a man and I can only tell you what has worked for me. There are things Jody has done that have helped us stay passionate towards each other. But, for a woman to read that and then go tell her husband, "do you know what Jody does...." just isn't a good idea. And honestly, I doubt there are many men who read my ramblings.
Although some of the advice was good I was very disappointed in the majority of it. Suggestions such as, have your husband babysit so you can go out on the town with the girls and tell him you aren't going grocery shopping today and if he doesn't like it that's just to bad seemed counter productive to a marriage.
Don't get me wrong, I think that everyone needs time to spend with friends. Getting dressed up occasionally and going to lunch or shopping with the girls is a great idea. What I don't agree with, especially if your marriage isn't stable, is a night on the town, dressed sexy without your husband. How is going out and having men, other than your husband, provide that rush that comes from knowing someone thinks you are beautiful a good idea? And if we are honest with ourselves, there isn't anyone, male or female, that doesn't want that. But, how is having that come from anyone but your husband going to reconnect you with the man you fell in love with?
After reading that advice and truly thinking about it, I had to ask myself, "how would I feel if Jody were to go out with the boys and women were flirting with him?" I know I wouldn't like it one bit! Being totally honest, I'd be furious!
I realize it is possible that some people just aren't able to make a marriage work. I'm not suggesting that a woman (or a man for that matter) stay in an abusive or dangerous relationship. What I'm suggesting is, if your marriage has just lost its "zing" find a way to get it back.
My suggestions would be a little different than the woman who wrote the article.
I feel like I need to put a disclaimer in here... I know that a lot of women will say things like "why should I get dressed up if all I'm doing is staying home?" or "if my husband helped more I would have more energy to dress nicer, be less tired etc." Men should work just as hard at keeping a marriage active, vibrant and alive. But, I'm not a man and I can only tell you what has worked for me. There are things Jody has done that have helped us stay passionate towards each other. But, for a woman to read that and then go tell her husband, "do you know what Jody does...." just isn't a good idea. And honestly, I doubt there are many men who read my ramblings.
I've also learned that when I started doing things "for Jody" I started doing things "for me". All the things about me that attracted Jody to me are the same things I was doing long before I met him. It isn't just about keeping my marriage vibrant, I realized it was also about keeping Gail vibrant!
Here are a few of the things that have worked for me.
Here are a few of the things that have worked for me.
Make an effort at least once a week to do something special for your husband:
- Wear the sundress, or shirt, or jeans he loves. Just because you think you look too fat, or too skinny or whatever in them, if he likes them that's what matters.
- Buy some pretty underwear. They don't have to be expensive or something a super model would wear but should make you feel good.
- Wear your hair up (or down) the way he likes it.
- Sit with him while he watches a baseball (football, basketball, hockey etc) game even if you don't like the game, you might be surprised to find out you really do enjoy it. I know I did!
- Make his favorite dinner or better yet...order in from his favorite place (then you don't have to cook)
- Get a babysitter, get dressed up and go out with the man you are truly trying to get the attention of.
- If you can't afford to go out, feed the kids early put them to bed and have a late candle lit dinner. Even mac-n-cheese tastes good when eaten by candlelight!
- Go to bed early and together once and while. The dishes can wait. Your marriage can't.
- Do something that makes YOU feel sexy. A woman who feels sexy is sexy!
- Laugh often. Some of the most beautiful women I know wouldn't fit societies definition of beautiful but exude such joy that their beauty surpasses even the most beautiful movie stars.
- Love yourself. Don't focus on the things you don't like, find something you do. When you are having negative thoughts dispel them with "...yes but I have great eyebrows... beautiful eyes... great calves... sexy shoulders... whatever it is".
If your marriage isn't what you want it to be, attracting other men isn't the answer! Working on your marriage is. We all need time for ourselves and for girl talk. Men also need guy time. But, if you think back to when you were dating, what was your focus? Who was the person you wanted to spend the most time with?
Shouldn't it still be that person?
No comments:
Post a Comment