jumbled mess

Once again its been months since I updated the blog. Although I'm not the best writer in the world, I love to write. I love to get my thoughts out of my head and onto something. It frees my mind to put more stuff in! Life unfortunately gets in the way. Raising 6 children, going to school full time and starting a business does not allow much time to sit at the computer and leisurely put the jumbled mess in my head into coherent sentences. Sentences require a noun, a verb, maybe some adjectives or adverb's and certainly punctuation. The thoughts in my head never follow the rules learned in writing 101. My thoughts scramble, grow, change and most often make no sense to anyone but me.

It feels like before I can process one life event another hits me. So processing gets pushed to the back of my mind as I focus on dealing with the current event. When my brain goes on overload I become frazzled and unfocused. I forget routine things, such as what time my kids get out of school and ordering the daily medicines my children must take. I then find myself scrambling around trying to rectify the problems. In other words putting out the fires instead of preventing them from happening.

Since February, when I last posted, we've had some serious behavioral issues to deal with, some crazy illnesses, we've made the decision to start a business, had a child get married, mourn as said child moved way too far away, celebrated as our last birth child turned 17 (how is that possible??), Jody made the decision to retire and 2 nights ago a child had a major seizure. In all that we have also been blessed with some amazing new friends that came about from the above mentioned wedding. God has given us some clarity on some stuff we have been struggling with, he has provided a way for us to relieve some of our anxiety about financial issues and has strengthened our marriage. In His "daddy-ness" He was there to hold our hands, even when we stubbornly refused to let Him, opened doors and comforted our hearts and souls.

Although we have major life decisions about our future to make, we feel confident that if we can keep our minds clear and focus our eyes upward we can boldly move forward. The next 12 to 15 months are going to be full of activities, stressors and mind blowing choices. I know that with 6 kids to entertain all summer, an average of 4 papers a week to write and the changes in our house, the jumbled mess I call my thoughts will get pretty crazy. I'm hoping that I will find time to sit down and clear my mind. Sharing the beauty and ugliness, the joy and the pain, the ups and the downs, the comings and goings of our family in such a public way can be exhilarating and scary. If the scary part gets just too scary I may not sit here sharing it with the public. Or I might boldly do just that. No promises but I might.