Oh how I love Haiti!!!

It amazes me how much I love Haiti. We leave in a few days and I can't wait. There is something about that country that draws me towards it. Is it my son, Jimmy, is it Angela who I consider a true friend, is it the children at the "O" or is it all of it?? Or something totally different?? I really do not know.

All I know for sure is I want to share it with everyone I meet. I want to shout from the rooftops, "You should go to Haiti, it is the most beautiful country in the world!!!!!". Most people think I am nuts but it doesn't matter to me at all. I love Haiti, I love the people, I love the orphanage, I love the children, I love my friend Angela and I love my son, Jimmy!! If it were God's will for me to move there tomorrow, I would. I would sell my house and my cars. I would pack up my stuff and my family and move to Haiti. My children would be taught to speak Creole and French. They would be taught how to entertain themselves without TV, radio's, video games or elaborate toys. They would learn what it feels like to be the minority and to respect others for what is in their hearts and not by the clothes they wear, the color of their skins or the "things" they have!

In a few days I will be at the "O" with 31 of the most amazing, resilient children ever. It will be loud, chaotic and smelly and I can't wait!! I cant wait for the kids to have their precious faces pressed against the window watching for our arrival, to hear them yell "Mama Gail" "Mama Gail"!! For all of them to want my attention at once, for the Nanny's to hug and kiss me and them ask how Sutton and Landon are. To hear "la photo", "la photo" from all of them because they desire so much to know that each of the children they cared for that has gone home are safe and happy. To watch their faces light up as they look at the pictures of their "favorites". To know that these women love each child that God has placed in their care. And for them to now know that these same children are safe and happy in their forever family's.

God has blessed me so much with this job. At times I feel overwhelmed by it. By the fact that I can not provide the answers the parents want to hear. The fact that I can not call them and give them good news about their adoptions each week. The fact that Haitian adoptions are frustrating and most of it is out of our control. All of this is so overwhelming at times. BUT, just when I think it's too much to bear and I can not possibly be the "right" person for the job, God sends me back to the children, the staff and the country. God sends me to be rejuvenating, to be restored, to know that this is exactly where God wants me right now!! And to know without a doubt that my heart is in Haiti. In a country that is so different from the one I live in but feels so much like home that I truly become "homesick" for it. Words can not express how much I love Haiti!!!!!!

My kids surprise me sometimes!!

Today Dylan who just turned 8 brought home a poem he wrote before Christmas break. As I began to read it, I laughed (he writes about making snowballs, it rarely snows where we live) and the smell of gingerbread baking (I've never once baked gingerbread ). But, as I read I realized what an amazing son I have!! I thought you would enjoy reading it so here it is...

Winter by Dylan Gray

I know it is winter when I see snow falling on the ground, hear bells ringing from the top of towers and smell ginger bread houses baking. In winter I like to make snowmen, make snow balls and play my play station with my friends. After we play together we often eat marshmellows between crackers and drink hot chocolate with marshmellows. The thing I enjoy most about winter is celebrating Jesuses birth and playing with my family.

My amazing 8 year old son surprises me often with his insight into Jesus. I never realized how much he understood about the meaning of Christmas. But, obviously he does. Jesus and playing with his family! Really...what more do we need??

Carsen is home

She made it home last night safe and sound. She had an amazing trip but is very tired, we finally got home at 1:00 a.m. pst (4a.m. in her world). AND, she had her first day of school today!! Being the typical 18 year old she is...no books have been purchased...no parking pass obtained...and no idea what classes she signed up for! It was an interesting morning to say the least!

Her originally flight to San Francisco was cancelled so they put her on a much later flight. I was able to get her on an earlier flight to Sacramento (2 hours from us instead of 4 to SF) which was great except her luggage ended up in SF. SO... no pictures or video yet. Once, American Airlines get 's her bags shipped to us, I'll try to post some pictures from the trip.

Following God's prompting isn't always easy!

As we get closer to the time we are scheduled to leave for Haiti things are getting more and more complicated. We are taking this trip because of a calling God placed on our hearts and Satan obviously doesn't want us to go!!

We booked our tickets completely on faith that childcare would work out fine. BUT, that is not the case at all!! It is really hard to find people willing to watch 2 toddlers, 2 elementary school kids and one junior higher! My mom has agreed to stay with the kids but just got offered a job. She's been looking for awhile so she can't turn it down! She will stay here at night with the kids but I now need to find someone willing to watch Landon and Sutton while Nana is at work during the day. And that is not as easy as it sounds. The schedule I made for the 10 days is 6 pages long!! Trying to get each of the kids to and from school (4 different schools!!), to piano lessons, Awana's and work around my mom's schedule, Carsen's school schedule and work schedule has been quite a chore.

I keep asking myself..."is this all worth it?? Did we really hear God telling us to do this again??" It's never easy to schedule time away for Jody and I even for a weekend let alone 10 days!! Are we nuts?!?!?!? What were we thinking?!?!?!?

We obviously could use a lot of prayer right now! Please, pray for someone to come forward to watch Landon and Sutton during the day. Pray for strength for my mom..she's not used to 6 kids needing her 24/7! Pray for Carsen, that she comes home tomorrow healthy and ready to help her Nana and pray for the kids to be on their best behavior for Nana and that no one gets sick!!

We will continue to go on the fact that God obviously wants both of us to go on this trip and that He will work it out!! I'm just so impatient that I pray that He will do it sooner rather than later!!!

A Diamond in the Rough

I usually use this blog to talk about our adoption, the family or the orphanage. But, not today! I want to tell you about my "diamond in the rough", my husband. He will probably be a little unhappy (and a lot embarrassed) that I posted here about him, but that's OK, he will get over it!

Jody is truly one of a kind. On the outside he comes across as this abrasive, rough around the edges hard nosed tough guy. The reality is...he's not! He is one of the kindest sweetest people I know, with a love for God and his family that is real and honest and without waiver!

The reason I think of him as a diamond in the rough is because of the change I've seen in him. The "before Jody" was the abrasive hard nosed tough guy that many people think of him as. But, just like a jeweler who takes what looks like a hard abrasive rock and refines it and turns it into a precious priceless gem, God has taken Jody and refined him and turned him into a precious priceless gem. My diamond! Hard as a rock but with amazing beauty.

I'm always amazed by him. Jody see's things that no human being should ever see. He see's humankind at its absolute worst. People who have allowed Satan to rule over them and all they do. He see's tragedy and sorrow on a daily basis at work. Yet, he remains positive and inspired to be a better person with God's help. He supports his family with love, encouragement and an example of an amazing work ethic. Jody takes his job and the position it gives him in society seriously. He loves his job and knows without a doubt that it is what God called him to do long before he ever acknowledged there was a God!

Most people who knew Jody before he accepted Christ are surprised by him. He is still the same practical joke loving, somewhat crass guy he has always been but different somehow. Jody is who he is! He still finds humor in things most people would find rude or gross. He is a man's man. He loves football, baseball and working out. He likes a cold beer every now and again. He still enjoys hanging out with "the guys". The only difference is now he does it with an understanding that God loves him and will never leave him. It has given him confidence to try things and do things he would never have done before. Things like play the drums again. He thought that part of his life was over. But, God had a different plan. Things like go to Haiti! Jody is so outside his comfort zone there but he keeps going back. And he loves it! He loves the kids and the employee's and doing what he can to help.

Although Jody is not perfect and neither am I, we always say we are perfect for each other. He keeps me grounded and I bring him out of his comfort zone. When I get a little crazed by 7 kids, an orphanage, handling 13 adoptions at once and running our house, he helps me to focus on what has to be done and what really can wait! When I get way to serious about things he makes me laugh! When I get lazy he motivates me.

I am a very blessed woman!!! God has given me the most beautiful gift in the world. He gave me a diamond to love. Which is wonderful but even better then that is the fact that this diamond can love me back...and he does, heart and soul, just the way God intended us to love each other!

Haiti- It's a Family thing!

I remember the first time I saw Haiti. It was amazing. I had no idea at that time that God was already working on my heart. I am in love with Haiti! Which, everyone who spends any time with me knows already. The amazing thing is God placed that love in the hearts of my entire family as well.

Carsen leaves for Haiti on Saturday. She is so excited. Supplies and toys are bought, the bags are packed and she is ready to fly 3500 miles away from her family, her home and the comforts of the US to spend 10 days with her other family, her other home and the joy of being in Haiti loving on 30 beautiful children. Carsen's heart is in Haiti!

I get to go back to Haiti in 28 days. I am so blessed to be able to lead missions groups to discover the beauty, the destitution, the joy and the heartache of this amazing country. I also get the joy of introducing adoptive parents to the child God chose for them long before time began. What an incredible moment when a mother holds her child for the first time. Or a father looks into that child's eyes and sees God's love shining back at him. It is the best reward for doing what I do.

The coolest part of this trip is the fact that Jody is going with me. We had planned this trip months ago for the both of us to go but for some reason when I went to buy the tickets Jody said he didn't want to go. He told me that he didn't want to "waste" his vacation on another trip to Haiti. I was very disappointed and knew if I pushed that he would go. BUT, I heard God's voice at that moment telling me to wait. Well... most people know I am not good at waiting! Patience is not a virtue I have learned yet. BUT, I made a choice to listen to that voice and I waited. I went ahead and booked my ticket and made plans to go alone. Jody promised to pray for the trip and was helping me get things organized to go.

Yesterday, Jody called me and asked me to book him a ticket to Haiti! He said that he had been praying about the trip regularly like he had promised and every time he did God told him to go. He said he fought it for awhile, arguing with God with things like "Our 20th anniversary is in July, I should save my vacation for then" or "I was just there in August, surely I don't need to go back again". Jody finally decided to stop arguing with his Father. We don't really have the money for both of us to go. BUT, God is in control and He has always met our needs!

So you see... this isn't just my calling...it's the entire family's! We are an American family living in the US but our hearts are thousands of miles away in a third world country. Our hearts are in Haiti!!

What an amazing God we serve!

Reactive Attachment Disorder

Since Sutton was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder(RAD) {Also known as Attachment Disorder (AD)} I have had so many people ask me what exactly RAD is that I thought I'd try to explain it a little.

My knowledge of Reactive Attachment Disorder is by no means perfect and I am not an expert but I have done a lot of research on the subject and this is my understanding of what it is. RAD is caused by a child not forming a true bond with a primary caregiver. There are many things that can cause this such as: drug use by birth mother, sudden death or separation from primary caregiver (multiple placements in foster care, a sick mother so many relatives care for the baby, neglect, birth trauma, unprepared mother with no parenting skills). The baby's needs are not consistently met so the child begins to feel a sense of being unloved or that people are not to be trusted. This happens very quickly and at a very young age. In Sutton's case we believe it was caused by her not being fed for the first 11 days of her life (her birth mother was so malnourished that she did not produce breast milk) and thus being so sick when she was brought into the orphanage. She required so much attention that she was cared for by someone different almost everyday for 4-6 weeks .

"Children with attachment disorders have trouble trusting others. Trusting means to love--and loving hurts. They have been hurt too deeply. Loving must be done on their terms so that they will not be hurt again. They attempt to control everyone and everything in their world. No one gets into their world, past their barriers, without proving that they are truly trustworthy."

A child learns how to trust and act towards others in the first 4 years of their life. This period is crucial to their ability to respond appropriately to situations as they get older.

" the first two years of life the conscience only responds when the parent is present and in control. In the third year the child responds appropriately only if the parent is present and the parent initiates the action, "Johnny, tell Mary you're sorry." In the fourth year, the child responds to acts of conscience only if he/she knows that the parent is present and will react. The fifth year shows progress in that the child will, when instructed to do right, follow accordingly. In the sixth year, (finally) self control is learned."

"Consider a child in the first days, weeks and months of life. The child is hungry, or wet. What does the child do? He screams out for attention, and in the rage he expresses, the mother comes to the child's aid and feeds or changes the child. Day after day, week after week, the closeness of eye contact, touch, movements, and smiles creates a bond of trust between the child and its mother. But what happens if this cycle is broken? What if the mother doesn't want to respond to the demanding needs of the child? What if there was an undiagnosed condition in the child, that was never appropriately responded to and comforted? In these instances, the child does not learn to trust, does not learn to bond, and proceeds on with the next lesson to learn in life. The neural paths for bonding have been ignored."

Children who develop RAD appear to be very charming and loving to strangers. They are very good at manipulating adults and other children that do not know the child well. They will approach total strangers and ask to be held or loved on yet are unable to hug and kiss the people who are trying to raise them. To an outsider the child appears sweet and misunderstood by the caregivers. The caregivers may appear rigid and uncaring.

Consistency is the key component in helping a child with RAD. Firm, clearly defined rules and consequences help the child feel safe and able to accept the caregivers. Many times these rules seem overly harsh or restrictive to outsiders but are actually very necessary for a RAD child. Without them they lack direction and act out to prove once again that no one can be trusted. They begin to only trust themselves and lack the ability to show empathy or concern for others. They become expert manipulators and learn ways to control people into believing that the caregivers are mean, controlling and unloving. This can happen as young as 5 or 6 years old.

"Needing to control their environment, the RAD child will quickly target the Mother as the one who has to be broken. This is because the mother is the one who instills discipline on a daily level, and ensures that chores and work is performed to standard. It may also be because, "a mother" was the one who let them down in the past, and they target the mother in a sense of pay-back. Father's are charmed into believing that this child is innocent of all accusations, and if the father allows any benefit of doubt to creep in, the child will work that against the rest of the family. Quite often the child will exhibit a "Dr. Jekyl, and Mr. Hyde," disassociation between the family and the father in order to control, and if necessary, split-up the family."

"How do you fix a broken child? In any successful approach to reducing the symptoms of RAD, the child has to attempt to be a part of the fix.
1. An elementary approach to produce bonding is to get the child to agree to ask the parents assistance and permission for everything. The idea here is to restore the bonding of the parent in the first year cycle. The repeated requests to the parent becomes the tool for repeated gratification/relief.
2. A second addition to this method is to require the child to make eye contact when asking for the things in step one. And, when asking, to reinforce the question with the terms "Mom" or "Dad" as necessary.
The child might struggle with these simple requests because of the release of control in their lives over to the parent. Releasing control is a very difficult process for a RAD child.

Be a tough (not mean) parent. RAD kids will not internalize a parent that they feel they can control.
Try to build confliction with the child. Help them to resolve cognitively a secure controlled environment, where they can be safe and secure, and improve upon the unhappiness in their life.
Adding Pizzazz -- praise what the kid does right.
Try to create a fun and unique arena to the family structure. Family movie night, popcorn and candy, or a Sunday drive. Creating fun times are fun for all.
Teaching the child to be compliant leads to reciprocity, start with having the child sit in a designated area (often called practicing "good sitting"). The goal of good sitting is not to degrade or control the child, but to teach the child positive self-control, and not institute a control battle. Adults reinforce the good sitting with Pizzazz."

Therapy is essential to treating RAD. However, traditional therapy does not work.

"Most traditional therapy involves talk therapy, and is based upon the development of a therapeutic relationship between therapist and client. This relationship requires mutual trust, respect, reciprocity, emotional honesty and the ability to formulate thoughts and feelings into words.
Children with Attachment Disorder are unable to make use of such methods because:
They do not trust.
They are not emotionally honest, and in fact are frequently not able to identify their feelings or what is behind those feelings.
They do not respect anyone, including themselves.
They are not capable of reciprocal give and take relationships.
Their backgrounds of abuse, neglect, unresolved trauma or pain, loss and abandonment frequently occurred during the first year or two of life, prior to conscious memory of events.
They do not know why they feel and act as they do.
They are operating in the only way they know how to survive.

Successful therapy needs to be confrontive and intrusive, while yet being loving and supportive. There is a narrow window of opportunity for therapy with AD patients. Therapy is easiest prior to adolescence, (it shouldn't take to much imagination to figure out what happens with hormonal factors thrown in to complicate the AD bonding issues)."

Parenting a AD child is never easy and for the most part you will receive little or no understanding from family and friends, they just can not understand!

"Perhaps the most difficult area of parenting an AD child is in knowing how to successfully parent these kids. Normal parenting skills are insufficient, and a parent cannot rely upon what they automatically would do in day-to-day situations. The AD child does not learn from past experiences, so what was done wrong yesterday, will be repeated today. And, the child will often expertly pit the parents against each other.
Rule #1: Take care of yourself first. You've heard it before, and it is still true.
Rule #2: Never give the benefit of the doubt to the child! Their lies, or jumbled talk will convince expert, after expert of their innocence or demand your attention as they seemingly stumble for a long time trying to put their thoughts into words.
Rule #3: Do not enter into power struggles. AD kids will constantly struggle to control everything. But no one wins in control battles. Set up a scenario so that you'll win in either situation. "


All quotes taking from:
http://members.tripod.com/~radclass/slide01.html

Kynsley

Dylan

Landon

Shane

Sutton

The kids at the Sacramento river

Jimmy

Andrew and Carsen

Update

Hi!

it's been months since I've updated the blog, sorry, it's crazy in our house with 6 kids!!

Landon is doing so much better. He is in therapy twice a week and is finally making some progress. He is still behind for his age but is showing signs of catching up everyday. He loves to laugh and play with his cars. His daddy is by far his favorite person and Landon looks forward to Saturday night when Daddy gets home. his English is getting so good but he still loves to use certain Creole words. It's sweet to hear the "cre-nglish" that comes out of his mouth! He likes to play outside (when it quits raining long enough to go out) and thinks the kids on the trampoline is hilarious as long as he is just watching!!

Sutton is growing like a weed!! Our skinny little girl isn't so skinny anymore. She is quite a handful and gets into EVERYTHING!! She is also a "runner", we have to watch her constantly in parking lots, crowds etc. But, the girl knows how to charm!!! She has a such a sweet smile and knows how to use it. Her speech is slowly emerging although most people can't understand her at all we usually can figure out what she wants. She babbles constantly and makes up her own little songs. The girl LOVES music!! She loves to play the piano and Daddy's drums. If there isn't music on in the car she is not a happy girl!!

The other kids are doing great!! They are finally used to having 2 new siblings and I think we have settled into a routine (as much as you can with 6 busy kids). Everyone is looking forward to nicer weather so they can get outside more. Carsen graduates in a few weeks, I can't believe that I'm old enough to have a child graduating from high school!!

This summer we are taking 2 major trips. On July 2oth we are heading to San Diego for my 20 year high school reunion. We will be in SD for 4 days. We will have 1 day to do laundry, repack and get ready to leave for Florida! On the 26th we fly out with all 6 kids and my mom. We are staying in Orlando for 5 days. The kids are so excited about going to Disney World, Epcot and the Kennedy Space Center. On July 31st we will be driving my mom and the 4 youngest to Boca Raton to stay with my mom's best friend, Wanda while Jody, Carsen, Shane and I fly to Haiti. We will be at the orphanage for a day and a half and then catch a flight to Jacmel, a beautiful beach town!! Jimmy (our "other Haitian son") will be joining us for 3 days of sun, sand and relaxation. It will be Jimmy's first vacation ever!! We are all very excited. We fly back to Port au Prince stay the night and then head back to Miami to meet my mom and the kids for a long flight home!

That's what's going on here. I'll try to update this thing more often!! If you haven't done so yet check out the new web site for the orphanage www.threeangelshaiti.org It's pretty cool. We are also working on a DVD, in March Frank Lozano went to Haiti with us and is putting together a great video for us. You can check it out at www.franklozano.com click on "production company" scroll down, click on "more" and you will see the icon for the video. it is a work in progress and he updates it regularly so be sure to check back often.

Thanks for reading and may God Bless you today and always!!! Gail

Our family is complete!!

Hi!!

It's been 3 weeks since Sutton and I arrived home. It's been really hard for Sutton, she did not adjust as easily as we had hoped. The entire family also ended up getting the stomach flu!!

Sutton is doing so much better and seems to be settling in. Landon is very jealous of her and is not happy if she gets any attention. It's been quite an adjustment for all of us.

Jody goes back to work today after having 3 weeks off. Normal life should resume and a routine will probably make things go even better.

I'll try to post regular updates on how the kids are doing and get some pictures posted soon.

Thanks for all the prayers!!! The adoption journey is almost over, once we readopt here in the county (so the kids can have US birth certificates) we will be done!!

GREAT NEWS!!!

We are finally out of IBESR!!! Our file is on it's way to 2nd legalization which can take anywhere from 1 week to 3 weeks!! And then we go on to an appointment with Dept. of Homeland Security and then pick up the adoption visa's!!!! We are praying that we can get through everything at a record pace so I can bring Sutton home when I return from Haiti!!!

Please, continue to pray for this to be done so our family can be complete!!

So frustrated!!

We are still waiting on 1 signature!! It is really frustrating because 1 person holds our child's future in his hand. The director of IBESR will not meet with our attorney. She has known this man for years and in the past had a good working relationship but now it seems that he does not want to meet with her at all. We can not change attorneys this late in the game so we sit and wait!!

I'm going to Haiti on Aug. 30th. I'm hoping to get some answers!! I will also be there to help open Three Angel's Christian Academy. The school will be for pre-K through 3 rd grade. Each year we will add a grade until we have pre-K through 6th grade. I'm very excited about being able to help! Of course, I also get to see Sutton. It will be very strange being there without Landon but it will give me a chance to spend time with her alone.

Please, continue to pray for our adoption. We really do need a miracle right now!