serving an amazing God

Last week in Haiti was absolutely wonderful. Every time I turned around God opened another door or provided another solution to a long sought after problem. Being home is bitter sweet, I missed my kids so much and I admit I missed some of my comforts as well (such as driving myself anywhere I want to go, taking a hot shower by just turning on the faucet, my dishwasher, washing machine and 24/7 electricity). BUT, it is so hard not to be in Haiti. I miss the children, the staff at the "O", Angela, Jimmy and the boys from St. Josephs. I also miss a new little friend, Stevenson, who is Sutton's baby brother. He is such a sweet little boy and has captured a piece of my heart. I don't know what God has in store for him or for us for that matter.

At our church we have been doing a series on what pastor Bill refers to as the "four letter words" of Christianity. This weeks message was on the word "obey". I really felt God using pastor Bill to relay a message to me. I often do not obey God...not from a lack of desire but from a lack of listening. It is difficult to obey when you do not hear. I want to obey God, I want to do whatever it is that He is calling me to do but I often miss that calling because I'm so busy "doing". It is hard to listen when you are in constant motion. The business of my life seems to be causing temporary "deafness" in me. How can I obey God if I do not take the time to be still and just listen?? How many things do I miss everyday because I'm too busy to hear??

I also do not obey because I doubt...not God but myself. As a parent it frustrates me so much when my children say "I can't" when asked to do something. I am disappointed that they aren't even willing to try. I question my parenting at times, wondering if I created in them a lack of desire to be better people!! Or the inability to see the amazing people they are becoming. I can't begin to imagine how much more I must frustrate my Heavenly Father by my lack of desire to try. These children are gifts God sent to Jody and I, He trusted us enough to raise, mold and bring them up in Christ. How can I expect them to follow my direction and guidance and to trust me to provide and protect them, if I do not do the same for my Father who created all things??? God obviously trusts me with the things He has called me to do, why can I not lean on Him who has called me?? My dear friend Michelle often says "God obviously thinks more highly of me then I do". Such a true statement! God provides all things and is the giver of all gifts so He no doubt knows my limitations and His word tell me that He will not give me more then I can handle.

Which brings me back to a sweet little boy named Stevenson. My heart tells me I am meant to be a part of this little boys life. I do not know right now if that means stretching myself (and my family) beyond what I feel are my limitations and becoming his mother. But, I do know that I plan to spend time being still and listening, which is not easy for me to do. I also know that if it is God's will then He will need to speak directly to Jody. I often respond to things when my "heart strings" are being tugged. Adoption is not a decision to be made by tugged heartstrings. It must be a decision made with God's direction. My husband is much better at reacting logically than I am. At this point he feels very, very strongly that we are not in a position to adopt another child. Jody is a Godly man and I trust him to listen and obey God's calling for us, so I will wait...wait on God to speak clearly to us...wait on Jody to hear that calling...and I will trust...trust that Jody will respond in the manner which God wishes him to...trust that God has a plan for little Stevenson...trust that God will allow my heart to "let go" if that is God's plan. And in the end, I pray that I will be able to obey my Heavenly Father's will for me.