Living outside of God's will

John Mchoul is a missionary/pastor who has lived and worked in Haiti for the past 25 years. One of my favorite sermons is when he preached about how living outside God's will is the most dangerous place to be. This post is a beautiful reminder of that.

http://http://johnmchoul.wordpress.com/2011/02/16/haiti-can-be-a-dangerous-place/

Phil. 4:6-7

Phil. 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Wise words from a wise man. A man who was in prison. His life was at stake. Yet was at peace. The apostle Paul, to have faith like his, can you imagine??

The New Living Translation says "then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand."

Living a life patterned after Phil. 4:6-7 is not easy for me. I struggle for control, I become anxious, I read into things, I assume things and I expect things. None of which brings peace.

When I tell people I've returned to school, that I am working on my degree in counseling psychology as well as working towards becoming a certified doula, the question usually asked is... "what do you want to do when you are done?" I know what I want to do, but I don't know if it's God's plan.

Going back to school is exciting, it's fun, it makes me realize I can do more than I give myself credit for. Don't get me wrong, it is hard work, it takes time away from my family, there are days I question why I even started.

I have the best support. Jody and the kids give me the time to study and do the work, which there is a LOT of. Even with the support I get really scared. I wonder if its fair to the kids. Am I going to fail. Is it going to be a waste of our money. I know these seeds of doubt are planted by the one who doesn't want me to succeed. My success will be credited to his arch enemy. It's during these times that I need to pray and petition. To prostrate myself before the One who can relieve the anxiety. Yet I don't. I spend time playing the "what if" game.

Being totally transparent here, the 2 biggest are "what if God doesn't want us to go back to Haiti?" and "what if the ministry I want to be a part of doesn't want me?"

So many fears, so many doubts. So much to work on.

For now I will stay the course and press on. When my mind begins to play the dangerous game of "what if" I will turn my eyes heavenly and fall to my knees. Otherwise all the "what ifs" will become "why God whys".

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" Phil 4:13

whats next

Has it really been almost 4 months since I blogged? Why is it that time goes by so fast?
A little snippet of the last 4 months:

• Football ended for Shane. Great season, won MEL title and went 10-2
• Kynsley joined a competition gymnastics team. She will start competing this summer.
• We said good-bye to a dear friend, Clyde Haltom when he went to be with Jesus. He will be greatly missed.
• Gail, Jimmy, Dylan, Isaiah and Kynsley all had birthdays.
• Enjoyed Thanksgiving and Christmas with family and friends.
• Gail started at William Jessup University in their Professional Studies Program. It's 19 months of intense studies but in the end she will have a bachelors in counseling psychology.
• Gail and the kids have started re-learning Creole. We have forgotten so much and realize we also picked up some really bad habits!
• Shane is teaching Jody French...or trying to :)
• Carsen traveled to Haiti to HaitiArise. She was there for 10 days. Hopefully soon she will share some of her story and pictures.
• In March Gail will begin her training as a doula.

Now that the update is over...

There are nights I cant sleep with the thoughts swirling around in my head. There is so much going on in our lives there is never enough time in the day to sit and focus long enough to write everything down.

Today my thoughts are on what is coming next. I spend so much time "in the moment" that I often forget that there is a future to consider. I know we are told,"... do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Math. 6:34) but I know it is impossible to not look ahead and plan for the future. Life doesn't work that way. Planning is essential.

We are at a point in our lives that it is time to consider "what's next? What is God calling us to do?" and even harder to consider "does His plan fit into our plan and does His plan push us outside our comfort zones?"

It's time to look ahead and decide what is best for our family. Jody can retire in Oct. 2011. Shane will be graduating from high school in June 2012. I will be finishing my BA program in Aug. 2012. Leaving California is the most logical thing to do. It is expensive to live here and our retirement dollar will go much further elsewhere. But, other than our year in Haiti we haven't lived anywhere else. Once we leave California it will be nearly impossible to return. Although the state is far from ideal, it is what we know. It is comfortable. We know the laws, the school systems, the way things are done.

Should we return to Haiti? My first response is "YES". I want to go back. But, is it the right choice for our family? We know several families that are living in "post-earthquake Haiti" and are doing just fine. But, can we? I have not been to Haiti since January 2009, Jody even longer. Is the love we have for the country still real or just a memory we refuse to let go of? It's time for a trip, it's time to go see. In some ways I am scared to go. Scared that my love has diminished or disappeared all together. That I will have to say good-bye to a dream, good-bye to something that has been in my heart for so long now.

If not Haiti, where? Another country to do missions work? So far we don't feel a calling anywhere else. We have the desire to visit places but do not feel the desire to move the entire family there. Another state? But which one? There are a few that would be easier than others to move to because of friends that live there. Friends that would make navigating a new city, new doctors, new schools, new everything so much easier. But, is that the right choice? Is this taking the easy way out?

As we ponder these decisions its hard not to second guess everything we do. We are trying hard to keep the doors open, working hard to not be closed minded or have preconceived ideas about what God wants from us. Trying really hard to let God direct our decision making and not try to manipulate things to our liking. We are taking steps to help with any move, no matter where it may be. Being a counselor and a doula is something I can do anywhere. Speaking creole would only help in Haiti but learning any language is stimulating and fun. Jody returning to school and getting his BS can help with a second career, whether it's with the UN in Haiti, another country or in another state. The same with learning to speak French.

Our desire is to live our life to the fullest, to please the Creator and to leave a legacy for our children. We aren't sure what that looks like but we do know that we are open to looking for it.


"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'." Erma Bombeck

memories

Its funny how certain things can trigger a memory and take you back to another place and time. How the sight of something in everyday life can make you think about people you love. Or how thinking about that person leads you to think of things that are unique to your memories of them. We all have people in our lives that have helped shape our past and who continue to shape our present. These memories can be trigger by the things we hear, see and smell.

Whenever I see an African Violet I can close my eyes and see my Grandmas dining room windowsill where she grew her Violets. Memories of my Grandma include the smell of ceramic dust. Divinity. Ham salad. Green shag carpet. Driving over the dip in the road super fast just so we could get that crazy little feeling in your tummy. Helping to hang the laundry on the line... and then getting in trouble for running through them just to smell the wind as it blew through the sheets.

The sight of yellow Tonka trucks. Cucumbers growing on the vine. Spaghetti. Musty sheds with treasures to explore. Homemade wine in white plastic vats on the kitchen floor. All these take me back to being a little girl with a grandpa that always took the time to make me feel like he would not want to be anywhere else but right there with me.

The opening song to Jeopardy. Huge scoops of ice cream that my children still to this day refer to as "Papa scoops". Roast beef smothered in gravy. M*A*S*H. Dessert of any kind. Hostess crumb cakes. The smell of saw dust. All memories of a dad who died way to young.

Every Thanksgiving the smell of turkey cooking makes me think of my mom. Pineapple upside down cake, which I don't think mom liked but she made for my dad because he did. Biscuits and gravy. Packing for ski trips. The joy of seeing her grandchildren for the first time. The smell of hair color and women talking about nothing.

Obviously, these people were in my daily life and shaped much of my history. But there are little things that can trigger a moment in time. The smell of baby powder reminds me of meeting Sutton for the first time at the orphanage. I hear Amazing Grace and I can close my eyes and I am standing in a cemetery listening to Andrew play his trumpet as we buried my dad.

And there are things that make you smile and immediately think of someone. Peanut butter on a tortilla always reminds me of trips to Haiti with Gretchen, mothering her by making her eat something before we started our day. Chucks with cuffed jeans and popcorn memories of Angela and I watching dance theater at St. Joseph's in Haiti for the 50th or 60th time. Red wine always brings thoughts of Lynn and the look in her eye when she sips a really good glass of her favorite wine.

I hear the theme song of Stars Wars and I'm 13 again, loving a precious little boy, Joshua, who helped shape me into the mother I am today. "Lions and Tigers and Bears oh my..." thoughts of that little boys mom, Jeannie and good times on Broken Lance Ct.

The smell of chili cooking reminds me of my friend, Bonnie. We would leave school on those days when the coastal fog wouldn't burn off and we would be freezing. We would head for my house knowing my dad had left for work and there was a crock pot full of his chili waiting for us, instead of being in class where we should have been. Just seeing the Indianapolis Colts play and I'm sitting at the Montana in Haiti with Michelle, Bethany, Tanya, Angela, Jody and Jimmy watching the Super Bowl. Eating hamburgers and enjoying ice cold Prestige. And the list goes on and on.

So many memories made. So many waiting to be made. Joys and sorrows. Success and failure. Family and friends. Life as it was. Memories. A moment in time. Thoughts and feelings to get you through the worst of times and make you laugh during the best. Each unique and unchanging. The beauty of the life we are given.

Another post about Haiti. Really, Gail??

I know most of you are probably tired of them but I find I am able to process my thoughts and feelings better if I write them out. And besides... its my blog. You can always skip reading this one :) so yes... really!

Kynsley informed me that Christmas is just a few weeks away. She then proceeded to rattle off a slew of things she just can not live without, a few items on her list include...a new DSI (the one she has doesn't have the latest gadgets), bike, scooter(again the one she has isn't enough), every jewelry/art kit she has ever seen on TV as well as a few odd requests such as a spin toothbrush and one of those bathroom thingies that you hang on the wall that holds soap and spits it out when you put your hands under it! Of course all of the other kids also gave me a list that would cost enough to feed a family of 4 in Haiti for their entire lives!

Today Kynsley, Landon and Sutton also decided on their Halloween costumes from a magazine, all which cost outrageous amounts of money for something they will only wear for a few hours.

I know I shouldn't be frustrated with them, they see what their friends have and don't want to be left out. The media tries to convince them that they truly can not live without these items. But, for some reason I am. And I'm frustrated with myself as well. I find myself looking at clothes, shoes, decorating items and other things that really aren't necessary.

I hear almost everyday... "I'm bored", "there is nothing to do", "its too hot/cold outside", "none of my friends are outside so its not any fun", "there is nothing to eat" and the list goes on. TV, video games and other mindless entertainment have invaded our home. Of course it is mostly our fault because we allow it to happen.

I've talked to other parents about it and the response is usually "its just the way it is now", "my kids don't go outside without us because its not safe" (this comment amazes me! We live in an affluent city relatively low in crime and the people saying it live in the "best" parts of town) and my favorite "its the American way".

Our children (I don't just mean my children but American children as a whole) have learned to be bored unless they are constantly entertained by an outside source. For the most part they do not use their imaginations or creativity.

This "i need to have it" phenomenon has made me think about another time in our lives.

I know my children are capable of playing without TV, video games, other young people and expensive toys. When we first moved to Haiti they had no choice. I remember Dylan and Kynsley spending an entire afternoon stripping 2 small tree branches that had broken off the tree in our yard of all their bark with rocks and finally a dull knife. They then shaped them into swords, bracelets and suspenders. When they were finished with one item they would undo it and re bend the sticks. This was done outside in 85 degree weather and 100% humidity. They never once complained it was too hot or they were bored that afternoon. They made that day fun!

Our nannies taught the kids how to weave/braid string into bracelets. Many afternoons after homeschooling was done, they spent practicing their bracelet making skills. They sang songs in creole and in English. They played tag in our yard. They jumped rope and played hopscotch. Occasionally they would leave our yard and would go to the empty lot down the street from our house and play with or just watch the neighborhood kids play soccer.

We also walked down the hill almost everyday and got fresh eggs, fruit and vegetable from the market. As a family with every child helping (except Isaiah who was only 18 months old) we would walk back to our house carrying groceries. it was a LONG walk up un-paved, rock strewn roads. As we passed we were the entertainment for the Haitians who lived or worked in the area. The kids would complain occasionally that it was hot or the bags were too heavy but they made the walk anyway.

They ate mangoes off the trees, rice and beans and fresh veggies. They drank mostly water and fresh squeezed juice was a treat. My picky eaters even ate avocados, onions and tomatoes because that was what was available. We had no car, no refrigerator and no stove. When it was hot in the afternoon we napped. We took cold "bucket" showers to conserve water.

Most nights we had no electricity. We danced in candlelight to a battery powered radio. If we had electricity we all crowded around the laptop and watched movies, sitting on a love seat and 2 chairs that certainly weren't big enough for all of us but somehow we made it work.

Once Jody got to Haiti we were able to buy a car, stove and refrigerator. We were able to drive to the larger market and get more "American" food. We were able to go to the beach and even eat out. We still rarely had electricity during the day and had to save the inverter power for the frig so we couldn't use any other electrical devices. There were times when we couldn't go anywhere because it wasn't safe to be out or gas was just too expensive.

I'm asked regularly why I loved living in Haiti and why I want to move back. It's hard to explain to people who can't imagine not having every convenience imaginable at their finger tips. Who do not know the joy of seeing your children learn a new language, give their toys to a child who has never owned one or decide to skip buying a treat at the store so they could buy the lady on the corner a pair of shoes. The wonder of a child who discovers how to make things on their own and wants to go to an orphanage just so they can hold a baby that needs holding.

As Christmas approaches we are trying to balance allowing our children to enjoy the privileges of living in the US and not allowing them to take those privileges for granted. We are trying to balance the amount of "things" we have with the amount of giving we do to worthy causes. We try to balance our pride of being Americans and living in the land of plenty with our desire to be among the people of our second home, Haiti. It's not easy to do but we must find a way. We have no other choice.

freedom is never free

Yesterday I spent the morning at MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) with Carsen as her boyfriend, John waited to take the oath to protect the United States as he joined the US Army.

I am a total people watcher, so it was a great day of observing. I watched these young men and women who are willing to serve our country for our freedom. They will go through rigorous training that most of us can not imagine. The recruits showed a sense of awe, excitement and fear. The hardest part for me was to see so many of them without any friends or family to witness them commit to such a huge undertaking.

I also spent some time watching the recruiters, staff and officers of all 4 branches of our military. Some looked stern and unapproachable. Some looked like they loved there jobs. A few even looked defeated and ready to be done with this aspect of their lives. Most looked proud to wear the uniform.

I was impressed with how the recruits were treated. I guess I expected them to be treated simply as a number, probably as a result of watching to many movies. I have to admit I was wrong. Although they were expected to do exactly what they were told to do, they were also able to ask questions and have things clarified for them. They were treated with respect.

It was a long day but as the Army recruits (or shippers as they were referred to, because they were "shipping out") entered the swearing in room I truly felt a sense of pride to be a part of something so big. Something so many Americans take for granted. The officer in charge of the ceremony addressed the group and spoke about these young men and women being in a rare group that makes up only 2% of society. That the oath they were about to take was a huge commitment and not to be taking lightly.

As he called the recruits to attention and asked them to raise their right hand and repeat after him, the group observing fell completely silent. The only sound in the room was the sound of these young men and women taking the oath. Although it only lasted a few minutes it was an awesome experience to watch.

The rest of the day I reflected on the times I have taken my freedom lightly. On the few people I personally know who risk their lives for that freedom. And the fact that I now realize how blessed I am to live in a place that allows me to observe any religion I choose, to speak my mind without being persecuted and to come and go as I please. I may not always be proud of the things the American people/government do, but I will always be proud to be an American.

Even if we do not agree with the things our government is is doing or has done, we still need to appreciate the men and women who serve. If you see someone in uniform today, wont you take a moment to thank them. Tell them how much you appreciate what they do for us.

And pray for them.

Thank you John (and Darryl, Kent, Chris, Rob, Dan, Rommel, Taylor, Uncle Dave, John L., Dan S., Brian, just to name a few) for being willing to fight (and who have fought) for my freedom. And thank you to all the soldiers that put there life on the line for us! I am truly thankful.

Happy Brithday, Andrew!

Hard to believe that our oldest son is 28 today. He is such a blessing to our family and has provided us with 2 beautiful grandsons and a wonderful daughter-in-law.

We can not wait to see what God has planned for him and his family.

Happy Birthday, Andrew!! We love you!

The Women of Haiti need your help

PLEASE, go to this link http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2010/08/by-beth-mchoul.html and give to Heartline. I know there are plenty of places that you can spend your hard earned dollars. But by giving to help build this hospital you are investing in lives of women who deserve to deliver babies in a safe and sanitary environment and in children who deserve to live!

please help if you can.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JODY!!!

50 years ago today at 3:17 am Helen Gray gave birth to a beautiful, long awaited for baby boy.


The little boy grew into a muscular, strong, loving man. A man that has gone through some trials in life but always perseveres. I am blessed to be married to that man!

Jody has a silly sense of humor and loves to make everyone laugh... sometimes he's the only that does but that's one of the things we love about him!

Jody loves the beach, it doesn't matter which one....

... Oceanside harbor.....

... at Wahoo Bay in Haiti....

... in Oregon.

Jody never wanted to be a father, ironic since he is to 9 amazing children. Jody is an awesome dad who loves his kids intensely. He expects a lot from them not because he is cruel or mean but because he wants them to always do their best and grow into self confident adults.

We got married when he was 26 and I was 18. We have gone thru much and have been given much. I realized last night that we have been together for over half his life (we started dating when he was 25). We have grown together, loved together, fought together and made up together. I can not imagine life without him in it.

We have lived in 5 cities and 1 third world country. We have experienced the heart ache of losing parents and grandparents together. We have worked hard at married life, Jody sharing his (OUR!) amazing son, the birth of 2 beautiful babies, the joy of adopting 5 amazing children, the privilege of including 1 grown man into our family as our own and being grandparents to 2 of the most perfect little boys ever! We are blessed being measure.

Jody and his grandsons, Kayden and Jaxon.

Jody, I love you, forever and a day! You are the love of my life. Together, with God, we can handle anything life throws at us!

Happy birthday, Jody. I'm looking forward to continuing this journey with you and can't wait to see what God has in store for you.

longing

How do you convince your heart to stop feeling and longing for something you can not have?

How do you stop dreaming about, both day and night, about a place you can not go?

How do you wait for answers that are not coming fast enough for me?

These are questions I've been asking myself since coming back to the states 18 months ago. In the past I've heard people talk about "leaving a piece of themselves in a particular place" and "my home is in..." I never understood any of it. I always believed that "home" was where you were. That you made the choice to not feel at home where you were. It took me going to a tiny third world country full of corruption, pollution and poverty to realize you can leave a piece of yourself behind.

There hasn't been a single day in the last 18 months that I have not thought about going back to where a piece of me is...

I want to wake up to the sound of chickens.

I want to hear vendors announcing their presence outside my gate with a melody all their own as they try to scratch out a living selling ze (eggs), legim (vegetables), crem (ice cream) and just about anything you can imagine door to door.

I want to hear the sound of horns blaring and people yelling at each other in traffic that doesn't move.

I want to drive by churches overflowing with people singing hymns so beautifully it has to make the angels in heaven envious.

I want to stand on the balcony of the Ibolele hotel and look out over the city of Petionville, be able to identify landmarks and feel good that I know the city so well.

I want to eat a zaboca (avacado), tomat(tomato) and zonyon (onion) salad made by women who wont take no for an answer.

I want to taste the sweetness of freshly made zoranj (orange) and grenadia (passion fruit) ji (juice).

I want to sit in an overcrowded church with no air conditioning and wooden benches, listening to a guy with a Boston accent and hair in need of a good cut, preaching a message that stays with me all week long.

I want to hear the sound of laughter from the Nannies as I stumble over a language I wish I knew better.

I want to swim in water so clear you can see the bottom of the ocean.

I want to be told to put my shoes on or I'm going to get a stomach ache.

I want what I can not have.

I want to go back to Haiti.

I want to do things right this time.

I want to not squander the opportunity to do the things God called me to do. The things I did not do when I was given the chance to live in the place my heart longs to be.

I want God to answer my prayers in my timing, but...

I will wait on Him. I will not get ahead of Him. I will love my family, my home away from home and continue to pray that a door will be opened. I will ask God to allow us to go home.

I lost the fight!

So... on Tuesday I was leaving my house to get the kids from school. Running late like always. As I was putting Isaiah in his car seat I noticed that our "toter" was laying on its backside right behind the Excursion. It was on its side because of the ridiculous amount of wind we were experiencing. Obviously I needed to get it out of the way before I could leave.

For those of you who live in parts of the world that do not have toters and have no idea what I'm talking about....

Here in California we are provided all 3 of these by our garbage company. The culprit of this incident would be the large grey toter.

The wind was blowing like crazy causing my hair to fly in my face making it very difficult to see. In my infinite wisdom I decided to just push the toter out of my way with my foot. As I did the toter got caught in the wind and started blowing in the street. So here I was a grown 41 year old, slightly perturbed, very much running late, woman running down the street chasing a large plastic container which was laying on its backside with the lid open.

When I finally was able to grab the darn thing I reached for the top part of the toter. As I did my right foot stepped on the lid and it became an instant skim board... you know the thing that kids (and adults with better balance than me) ride across the sand when a wave hits the beach... like this...

...only I was on concrete and am not known to have the best balance. I immediately started to fall backwards. Not wanting to land on my backside I leaned forward... a little too far! And ended up going, as my husband likes to say... "a** end over tea kettle"... don't really know what that saying means exactly but you get the idea. I flew over the toter and tried to break my fall by putting my hands down. Unfortunately, I still had my purse on my right shoulder and as I fell it got tangled in my right arm so my left wrist took the brunt of the fall.

I could have easily made up a story of riding a bull, skydiving or rock climbing... but I knew no one would believe it anyway! Because no one was out at the time I have no witnesses to the event. Oh... except Jody. He came home for lunch and was getting ready to go back out on duty. He was however, standing at the back of his patrol car with the trunk open and was trying hard not to get hit in the head when the trunk lid was being blown down. He claims he heard me scream but just assumed I was yelling at Isaiah.

So.. here I am in the middle of our street, laying on my back, withering in pain and my husband is totally oblivious. He did eventually (OK it was only a matter of seconds) shut the trunk and realize I was there. He ran over to me asking "what happened"? When I could not talk, he was able, being the awesome detective he is, to figure out what happened... and then started cracking up! I was able to get off my backside and out of the street. I even got in the car and drove across town to get the kids.

By the time I got home I realized more than just my pride was hurt. Jody ended up coming home to stay with our kids so I could drive myself to the ER. One and half hours and 3 x-rays later I was told I broke the scaphoid bone in my left wrist, which I was told is one of the most common bones to break in a fall but is also one the hardest to heal. It could take up to 4 months!

So this mom of 6 will try to function with a cast on her left wrist for possibly 4 months. Should be interesting.

Oh... and did I mention that I am left-handed!

learning to live again

It's been quite some time since I truly sat down and blogged. For a long time I couldn't figure out why I stopped. I've realized as things in my life got too difficult to bear it became more and more difficult to share openly and honestly. It became a chore to share my heart. I got scared... scared of the sin in my life becoming common knowledge (like it wasn't already), scared of being judged, scared of my sin and the sin around me being used by people as an excuse not to trust God... I was scared. and if I'm totally honest I still am!


That last 2 or 3 years have been tough. Our family has gone through some serious emotional turmoil. Our marriage was in jeapordy, our family was falling apart. Friendships were broken. Trust was destroyed. I was on the verge of giving up. There are days that I still am. Adoption is tough... being a mom to 9 is tough... being a mom to children with huge emotional hurt is tough. Being me is tough!! I am my own worst enemy.


When we returned from Haiti and started looking for help for our family it got even harder. Hearing words like ADHD, ADD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Mood Disorders, Bi-Polar being used about your family is tough. When you start to realize that maybe your own behavior could be factor in all this it gets tougher. When trusting God is a day to day struggle, it's nearly impossible to trust other human beings. Trust becomes a huge issue!


As Jody and I wade through the day to day struggles we are beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel. We see hope blossoming. We see trust building . We see a positive legacy growing. It's not an easy job. Some days we truly want to give up and walk away. Those days are tough to get through. But we press on. What choice do we have?

Once our family heals, my hope is to return to blogging. I love to write. I love to share our story but for now our focus is on healing. And trusting. And learning to be a healthy family once again.

One People United

Saturday February 27, 2010 5:00 pm

Come join us at the Hampton Inn and Suites in Vacaville for a fundraiser for Heartline Ministries www.heartlineministries.org

If you can't make the fundraiser you can still donate by contacting me at gailgray1016@hotmail.com

Thanks!

Reality check...

Hotel Montana, enjoyed many dinners here as well as watching the 2007 and 2008 Super Bowl

UN Headquarters at the Hotel Christopher (We know 4 of the people in this photo and Jody often worked out of this building)

Jody's office in Villa Privee, above Canape Vert

St. Joseph's Guest House (we stayed here a least a dozen times)

Canape Vert (Sutton and Isaiah's mom lives here, we still have not heard from her)

Caribbean Market, where we did most of our grocery shopping

These pictures are heartbreaking for us. This is our "home"... it is where our hearts are. And we feel so helpless! There is nothing we can do right now except pray. And raise awareness! And raise money.

We are currently working on a fundraiser to be held in Vacaville. We are hoping to raise $30,000 for HeartLine Ministries ( heartlineministries.org ) . If you would like to help in anyway, please e-mail me at gailgray1016@hotmail.com. We are looking for people to donate items for a raffle, donate money to offset some of the expenses involved and to donate directly to HeartLine. As well as people to help set-up, serve and clean up after the dinner. We do not have a confirmed date yet but are hoping for Feb. 20th.

rambling thoughts

so many thoughts...

We heard from Jimmy twice! He called Saturday afternoon. He is alive but homeless and hungry! He is scared of what is happening now and what will happen in the coming months. He was going to volunteer as a translator today. He called us again Sunday morning. He was with the kids from Three Angels. I was also able to talk to Denise Blesh. Her and her husband kept Isaiah for us the last month he was in Haiti. They are fine. The school site is being used to house orphans, as a surgery center and to house rescue workers.

We also heard today that all 26 children from Three Angels were granted visas to travel to the US!! They are on their way now. Such a God thing!

Today at 2 pm we will be having a meeting for a fundraiser for Heart Line Ministry. If you want to help come to Green Beans coffee. You can also donate directly to HeartLine at heartlineministries.org

I am so saddened by what I'm hearing in the media. So many people second guessing what is happening there. So many people who have never been to Haiti. I can not begin to imagine how bad it really is. I hear people trying to compare the rescue effort to the rescue effort after hurricane Katrina. It's comparing apples and oranges. Haiti is the size of Maryland! There is no where to build another runway. There is no where to send people to get them out of Port au Prince. There is no where for them to go!!

I had to turn the news off. It hurts to see the country I love so completely devastated. We have to continue to pray!!!

It was another mostly sleepless night. I fall asleep and then wake up convinced the phone is ringing… it never is. I have dreams of Jimmy and others we know. Last night I dreamt of Jessica and Diana, Sutton and Isaiah’s birth siblings. They were wandering the streets trying to find their mother, Roseline. I woke up in tears. The hardest part is in reality this dream may actually be true…if not for these two precious girls then many others.

Yesterday we were interviewed by three separate news channels, KCRA 3 and Fox 40 news out of Sacramento and Channel 7 news out of San Francisco. They picked up the story from a newspaper interview we did for The Vacaville Reporter. There were several other stations that called as well. We had to say no. We are exhausted. The kids are confused. It’s just too much. BUT… what we are feeling is nothing compared to what many of our friends are feeling that live in Haiti. Last night at midnight the Livesays put 5 of their 6 kids in a SUV headed to a plane. The kids are now in New Jersey. One of their children is still with them in Haiti because her adoption isn’t finished yet. The Tluceks were in the states when the earthquake hit… their 5 children, all under the age of 9, were in Haiti. Four of the children are now on their way to the states, one left behind again because her adoption isn’t finished. As hard as it is for these families they at least have the option of sending their children somewhere safe. The majority of the people do not.

We still haven’t heard from Jimmy. We were told from a friend that she was told that someone saw him. Third hand information… we just don’t know if it’s true or not. So we wait and pray!

We have a military friend who was in the Hotel Montana when the earthquake hit. He was on the 5th floor, by the time it was over he had “surfed” the building to the 2nd floor. He suffered a broken arm and some major cuts and bruises. He was medi- Evac’d to a hospital in another country and should be home with his family by the end of the week.

Another friend in the military is on his way to Haiti right now. He has Jimmy’s information with him as well as a picture. He can not simply go look for him for us because of his duties there but as he goes about his job he will try to find Jimmy and get word to us that he is safe.

Jody and I have been planning a weekend away since Christmas. After much prayer we have decide to still go. We will have our cell phones with us and Carsen will be checking our e-mails and facebook accounts for any news. We know that as much as we want to help there is nothing we can do right now. Our sitting at home watching CNN hoping to see Jimmy’s face is not doing any of us any good. If there was a way for us to be on a plane today we would go. But, the truth is we would just be an added burden to an already taxed country. We are not doctors, heavy equipment operators or medics. That is what is needed there. Not just people with good intentions. They need people with specific skills that aid the people of Haiti.

We will take a break from the media, a break from over checking electronic communications.

Please, do NOT stop praying!! The country and people of Haiti need our prayers and will need them for many, many months to come.

no news

Still no word. We know that it will be nearly impossible for Jimmy to call us so we have tried his home and cell phone every 15 minutes today. If we are able to get an international line the phone just rings and rings.

Jody and I both spent a lot of time in prayer today. We both feel strongly that Jimmy is fine. We truly believe that if he was hurt or worse we would know it!!

We ask all of you to keep Jimmy in prayer. My heart tells me he is out in the streets helping people. Serving the people of Haiti.

We also pray for the entire nation! The next few weeks are going to be as tough as this nation has ever experienced.

Earthquake in Haiti

We are trying hard to put into words all that we are feeling and thinking at this time. This may end up being nothing but rambling but I will try to explain what we know, what we feel and what we are praying for.

First and foremost we know without a shadow of a doubt that God is in control. God will use this tragedy to bring people closer to Him. Our faith is in Him. We will cling to Our Father in Heaven!

What else we know…

Most of the Americans we know in Haiti are accounted for. However, Jimmy is still not! We have no idea where he is now or where he was when the earthquake hit. I do know that at some time in the morning yesterday he was in town at a cyber café. We received an e-mail from him with a time stamp of 8:15 am. He was asking about school and the family, telling us he loved us. That is the last contact we have had with him. He lives just outside Petionville. The report is there has been some serious damage to that area.

Three Angels orphanage, where Landon, Sutton and Isaiah lived, is OK. The children still there are all OK. St. Joseph’s Guest house where we often stayed with missions teams has collapsed. Most of the people at the guest house were not in the building however, Bill (the drummer for the dance team) was there. He was able to get out with only minor injuries. The last I heard there was still a guest missing. The Caribbean Market where we did most of our shopping also collapsed. It was described by a friend as “looking like ground zero”. The UN headquarters where Jody worked has sustained major damage. We were watching CNN news and saw people we worked with from the UN helping with the rescue effort. Quisqueya Christian School appears to be fine. I’m told most of the staff is accounted for.

Our prayers…

For the entire country to come together and assist one another no matter their income or religious beliefs. For the US and other countries to act quickly to provide assistance. For the Haitian people to remain calm after the shock wears off. For God to provide a way for Jimmy to reach us soon!

Family Photos

A day at Nut Tree Village Park