living with emotional. behavioral and psychological disorders

I usually try to keep things light and fun on here. But, there's stuff that weighs heavy on my heart right now. Jody and I don't talk about this a lot because it's not easy and people don't "get" it.

Life is different for us... we live with kids that have serious issues. Issues that dictate everything we do. Our life revolves around a child who sabotages family outings, destroys things, steals, lies, completely disregards rules, doesn't respond to discipline, shows no remorse and refuses to accept love except on her terms. We also live with a child that is mentally delayed, has little impulse control, struggles with angry outbursts and destroys things when he doesn't get his way. We live in isolation much of the time because people who have not experienced any of this do not understand what we go through. We are judged by what our children say and do. We hear things like "you should spank them more", "you should never spank them", "consistent discipline is what they need", "if you keep getting angry, they win", "you need to put them on medicine, my friends, neighbors, sisters kid got on meds and he's doing great", "you should never use chemicals to try and alter their behavior, they just need love", and my all time favorite "give me a week with that kid and I'd whip them into shape". My comment to the last..."I'd like to see you try, at least I'd get a week's vacation!"

We don't go to picnics, parties, bar-b-ques, carnivals or any activity that involves crowds. It's not enjoyable for us or our kids. It is too stimulating for the 2 with issues, it embarrasses the ones without and we spend the entire time trying to prevent destruction and be vigilant with them every minute that we come home utterly exhausted. We don't go on dates because teenage babysitters can't handle them and usually only last one night. We can't afford to pay for more experienced, trained babysitters.

I'm not sharing this looking for sympathy; we don't need it. I'm not sharing to have people tell us what saints, angels or what a blessing we are to these poor children; that's offensive to us. I'm sharing to help people understand us. To understand why we don't attend functions. To understand the exhaustion you see on our faces. To understand why we seem harsh with our kids.

But most importantly I'm sharing in the hope that people will understand what life is like for the hundreds of other families that have similar stories. I'm sharing this hoping instead of judgement people will offer understanding. Thinking or worse saying, "well you chose to adopt these kids..." or "this is the path you willing took" is not helpful and is down right rude.

When you come across a family with kids that seem undisciplined or out of control lose the judgement. If you witness what you deem "harsh" discipline step back and allow the parent to do what is right for the child. You stepping in undermines their authority and gives the child leverage to further manipulate the situation. I'm not saying turn your back on obvious abuse; just remember that disciplining a child with emotional, behavioral and psychological needs is much different then parenting a "normal" child. If appropriate offer to help with the other children; get them signed into children's church, entertain them with a story so the child creating the scene doesn't get more attention, supervise them while the out-of-control child can be contained or offer to take siblings to outings to give them a chance to experience normal activites.

Please don't be offended if your offer to go out or come to dinner is repeatedly turned down. It's probably not you. Going in public or to someone's house is difficult...really difficult.  But, don't stop asking. It hurts to have to say no, but it hurts worse when you aren't even given the chance to respond.

If the family does accept an offer to do something remember that they will need to be near the kids. Don't sit in the comfy chairs 15 feet away from the playground, pool or play room. Go sit with the parents near the kids activities, socialize where they must be. There is nothing worse then being invited to a gathering and being excluded from a chance at adult interaction because you have to watch everything your child does and all the other adults have kids that can safely entertain themselves.

Don't diminish the difficulties a parent faces by saying things like, "you think your kids are out-of-control you should see...", "oh, I'm sure it's not that bad" or "I'm sure it will be fine, they can't possible be that destructive". It IS that bad and they ARE that destructive. Put valuables away and your kids favorite toys in a safe place. Things like markers, glue and scissors are not a good idea unless you want to repaint, repair or replace something. Telling a child with these issues "don't touch" is an invitation to do just the opposite.

I could go on and on with advise. But, advise doesn't change things. Action does. Loving children with serious issues is a full-time job. It's like running sprints every minute of every day. It's tiring and for the most part unrewarding. But, it is what it is. We do not like what is happening inside their bodies, hearts and minds. But, we do love our children. We love them enough to do what is needed to help them become the best they can, using the resources we have even when most people do not understand.

why I don't...

For my friends and family who may think I've fallen off the face of the planet, disowned them or have gone into hibernation, this is why I don't call, text, e-mail, respond to facebook posts, play online games, accept party invitations, etc., etc., etc....

A week in the life of a married with children, 44 year old college student taking 21 units.

Monday-

Music class- 10-10:50 am.

World Civilization- Review Essay

Acts forum

World civilization- Middle ages video

World civilization reading- chap 12&15

World Civilization forum

Acts- presentation 1&2&3

Music group project

Tuesday-

Music study guide-391-408

Music questions chapter 5-8

Acts forum response

World Civilization- black death video

Theater reading and study guide

Acts presentation 4 & 5

Acts- reading response 20 & 22

Meet with client- 7pm

Wednesday-

Music class- 10-10:50am

Acts forum response

Acts reading 23 & 24

World civilization- Homework 5

Theater forum

World civilization-exam 5

Acts 6-7

Thursday-

Acts forum

World civilization- start final

W.C.- forum response

Acts- 25 & 4.2

Music study guide- 409-415

Acts- final study guide

Theater-quiz

Meet with client- 6:30 pm

 Friday-

Music class 10-10:50 am
 W.C.- final

Acts- study for final

Acts-final

W.C.- forum response

Acts memory verses

W.C.- evaluation

Acts-evaluation

 Not included- grocery shopping, parent teacher conferences, hair appointment, award ceremony for Kynsley, church, dinner preparation and kids homework.

I am blessed not to be responsible for taking kids to and from school, laundry and house cleaning. My amazing husband does that for me! He also brings me water, tea, food and anything else I need when the stress level hits an all time high. I really could not do this without him.

So...if I don't return a call, text, message or invitation please don't take it personally. My time is limited right now. Until December 18th even taking a shower is scheduled!!!

My dad- "Forever in Blue Jeans"

My dad's been on my mind a lot lately. 

A LOT!

 I'm not sure why but he seems to creep in when I least expect it. Like a welcome visitor that you haven't seen in years but can't stop and chat with because life is in the way. Maybe it's because I know he would be so proud of 

Carsen for getting into nursing school and 

Shane going to Sac State. 

Maybe it's because our birthdays are just a month away.

 I don't know. I often wonder what he would be like now. How he would have changed? 

I envision him in my mind because I have nothing else. 

Death does that, you know. 

Leaves you with nothing but memories and an imagination. 

Some of the memories I have are starting to fade. And then I start to wonder, "is this a memory or my imagination?" But, some are so vivid they could have happened yesterday. 

I recently had to make a presentation for a music class I'm taking. It wasn't anything major or elaborate but I was still having a hard time with it. We had to present a song to the class that most people in the class wouldn't know. That part was going to be easy. I could pick just about any song from my high school days and my guess not a single person in the class, including the professor would  know it. 

There isn't a single person over 30 in that class. 

This will be one of those flashback moments that happen in movies to help explain the current plot of the story :)

I started on my BA in counseling psychology in January 2011. I was scheduled to graduate August 2012. As graduation approached I realized I was short 21 units!!! Yes, you read that right, 21. It turns out that several classes I took straight out of high school did not qualify and in order to graduate with my cohort I would need to make up those units by December 31, 2012. So, in order to accomplish that goal I'm taking a ridiculous amount of classes, 2 of which are at the community college. Most of the people in this particular class are under 24 and give the impression they are only there to appease someone else.

OK, back to the story

I was probably making too big of a deal out of this assignment. It was quite simple, play the song, give details about the song and allow people to ask questions. The problem was every song I picked didn't seem right. 

It was quite maddening.

 I had several very hard and much more important papers due in other classes. I just needed to pick a damn song and get it over with. So as I was searching my memory banks for songs from my past; Dad decided to come for a visit. He didn't stay long, just long enough to plant a seed. 

I argued with myself for a few days over the song that came to my mind, it was corny. It was old. No one would have heard it but I was also convinced that no one would even want to listen to it. 

Why was I so worried about what a bunch of people I'd never see again think about this song? 

I finally realized it was because it was my dad's FAVORITE song. 

It was important. 

I was going to bare my soul. I was going to share my dad with this group. I needed for them to understand WHY I picked this corny song from the 70's. 

As I started writing I realized deep down it didn't matter what anyone thought. I realized it stopped being about getting an A and more about another expression of love for my dad. As I read my short paper I realized they were all listening, not just hearing, but truly listening. Most were nodding their heads and smiling. They "got it". And when I played dad's song they listened. 

I rarely (never) let anyone read papers I write for school.

  

Especially those I write for a beginning music class at the community college. It's not scholarly. It's not technical. It doesn't shed light on an important psychological subject. But, it is me. 

So I'm going to be brave.

 I'm going to take the advice of my good friend Lauren and put stuff out there.

 It might be exactly what someone else needs to see. 

Or it might only be for me.

“Forever in Blue Jeans”

Written and preformed

By

Neil Diamond

            Neil Diamond born January 24, 1941, is a singer, song writer that began his career in the early 1960’s. He had his first number one hit in 1970, with “Cracklin Rosie” (A&E Networks, 2012). “Forever in Blue Jeans” was released by Columbia Records in 1978 on the album You Don’t Bring Me Flowers. The album was produced by Bob Gaudio (Wikipedia, 2012). Diamond went on to have several number 1 hits and at the age of 71 continues to perform live several times a month.

            I would assume that most people younger than 40 do not know Neil Diamond, however they probably do know songs written by him. One of these songs is “I’m a Believer”, which was named the Popular Music Song of the Year in 1966 (Wikipedia, 2012). Diamond originally wrote and recorded the song for himself but the TV-comedy quartet The Monkees released their version first. Smash Mouth and Eddie Murphy covered “I’m a Believer” in 2001 for the movie Shrek (IMDb, 2012). Other notable artists that have recorded Diamond songs include; Elvis Presley, Deep Purple and UB40. Diamonds song “Sweet Caroline” has what could be considered a cult following. At every Boston College football game it is sung as a sing along during the game, it is played during the 8^th inning of every New York Mets home games and the New York Rangers also play it at the end of the 3^rd period. Sadly Penn State has banned the song from football games “because the lyrics have been deemed inappropriate ... in the wake of the Jerry Sandusky scandal” (TMZ, 2012).

            I was raised listening to Neil Diamond. He was my dad’s favorite artist. I can remember my dad yelling from the other room, “turn it up” when a song by Neil Diamond would come on the radio. My dad had a great voice and would often sing along. When I hear Neil Diamond I think of my dad. Music has a way of doing that. Country artist Kenny Chesney’s song “I Go Back” talks about the power a song has on us. The lyric “Every time I hear that song, I go back” says it all. “Forever in Blue Jeans” is one of those songs for me. I can close my eyes and go back to being 12 years old, sitting in the front seat of my dad’s Ford Bronco with the windows down, wind whipping my hair around, seeing my dad reach for the radio dial to turn it up and hearing him say, “come on Gail, sing with me!” My dad died 15 years ago. These memories are all I have left.

While searching for songs for this project I realized I’m actually not a fan of Neil Diamond. But, I still like listening to him. It’s hard to explain but I think Eric Church in the song “Springsteen” says it best, “funny how a melody sounds like a memory.” It’s not always about the artist or the song itself that draws us in but it’s the lasting memory the song has left on our hearts.

Works Cited

A&E Networks. (2012). Neil Diamond Biography. Retrieved from biography.com: http://www.biography.com/people/neil-diamond-9273707

IMDb. (2012). Soundtracks for Shrek. Retrieved from IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0126029/soundtrack

TMZ. (2012, August 27). PENN STATE. Retrieved from TMZ: http://www.tmz.com/2012/08/27/penn-state-football-jerry-sandusky-sweet-caroline-banned-neil-diamond/

Wikipedia. (2012). September Morn (Album). Retrieved from wikipedia.com: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/September_Morn_(album)

A few nights ago I had a dream…

I was standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump. 

Jody was standing behind me (no he was NOT trying to push me over the edge). 

I felt myself flying…

then woke up flapping my arms completely startled. 

WAIT!!!! 

Not yet...

I was on the brink of some great revelation…

but it vanished as soon as I 

“landed” 

safely in the comfort of my bed.

I laid there trying to will myself back to sleep, back to my dream. 

But, it was gone, lost until the next time my mind went to that cliff. 

As I listened to my husband snore peacefully sleep next to me, 

I couldn't help but wonder

 what does it mean? 

Is my unconscious trying to tell me something 

that my conscious won't allow me to experience?

Dream interpretation has been controversial for years. 

Sigmund Freud and Alfred Adler 

are two of the most prominent psychotherapists who used dream interpretation.

Alfred Adler believes dreams are problem solving devices. 

They need to be brought into the conscious to shed light on the problem. 

He believes dreams are an open pathway to solving problems. 

He would probably say my dream was an attempt to move beyond my current situation.

Freud believed nothing happens by chance. 

According to Freud repressed urges reveal themselves via dreams. 

Freud would probably say my dream has to be related to some repressed impulse.

Whatever the patriarchs of psychotherapy may think about my dream is irrelevant. 

What matters is what it means to me. 

  I think much of life is lived “on the edge”. 

The cliff may be minute 

or it could be the biggest one you face

 but you have to make a decision on how to respond.

You really only have 3 choices…

First option is you can turn around and walk away from the cliff. 

You can take the safe, familiar road. And there’s nothing wrong with taking the safe road. 

Nothing at all. 

There is comfort in the familiar. 

Sometimes your favorite sweatshirt, the quilt grandma made and a hot cup of tea is exactly what is needed.

Second option is... 

 Jump, don’t think about it, just DO IT! 

It might be the worst decision you’ve ever made…

but it might be the best. 

Only way to know is to take the plunge into the unknown.

Third option is to do nothing. 

Maybe you need more time to think about it, that’s OK.

 Maybe you need to wait for someone to come along and help you be brave. 

You know like when you were a kid needing dad to jump off the diving board with you the first time. 

That’s OK too. 

But, living there ALL. THE. TIME. is not OK.

 Stagnant water attracts nasty bugs and smells pretty bad.

 A stagnant life is no life at all.

I still don’t know what my dream means.

 I just know that I tend to like the second option best. 

It’s the rebel in me. 

I've been hurt from some of those leaps but I’ve also experienced exhilarating adventures that

 rocked my world.

I don’t know how to stand on the cliff and do nothing. 

 Bumps, bruise, heartache and loss. 

Those I can heal from… 

but stinky stagnant nothingness…

how do you heal from that?

NYC/PAP

No time for a complete blog post so here's some bullet points...

NYC

• We gave up our seats and stayed in New Jersey. United compensated us well (mostly, I'll explain later)
• Whirlwind  tour of NYC.
• train from Newark to NYC, Penn station.
• A short stop at an authentic Irish pub
• subway ride to battery park
• Free boat ride courtesy of National Park Police to Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island
• Sampled Battery Park Beer Garden
• Jody got arrested
• Escaped
• 15 block walk to Ground Zero
• Expedited free entry into the 9/11 memorial site courtesy of NYPD
• Subway to Greenwick Village for dinner with the locals
• Hailed a cab to Times Square
• Got lost trying to find Penn Station for train home
• Found elusive train station hiding under Madison Square Garden
• And back to the hotel for a few hours sleep

Haiti- day 1

• First class upgrade flight courtesy of United Airlines
• 4 flights arriving within a few minutes of each other+ very small customs and baggage claim area+multiple large short-term missions teams who were totally unprepared and overwhelmed=sweaty craziness beyond belief
• 2 of 3 checked bags not on flight
• Fraud hold placed on credit card when attempting to rent car
• check in at hotel with 2 iced cold prestige...things are looking up
• gorgeous turn of the century french/Dutch inspired hotel
• meeting our grandsons for the first time made everything "mo betta"

Haiti- day 2

• taught self defense to artisans at the Apparent Project
• had Haitian rice and beans with Goat (well, Jody did...I only ate the rice and beans)
• attempted to claim missing bags at airport, went "upstream" against the madness of airport exodus, for those of you who have lived through the Haitian airport know the amazing feat that was!
• was told our bags didn't make it on the flight because "there wasn't enough room" (WTH?!?)
• easy drive through normal nightmarish traffic from airport to hotel
• a nice swim
• dinner at one of our favorite establishments...made better by a visit from the Haitian president (more details to follow in the next few days)
• 1 hour long phone call to United Airlines with an employee not gifted with a high IQ or fluent in the English language trying to find our bags. (example "Ma'am, your bags are at the Newark airport, why haven't you picked them up yet?"...)
• after all that...

Leaving on a jet plane...

In 2 weeks Jody and I will be heading out for 10 glorious kid free days. We've been married 25 years, I think we've earned a few days to ourselves. I don't think there is anyone that would argue with that. Our travel destination however, is often questioned.

Here's the typical conversation:
Wow, 25 years, that's awesome. Where are you going?

We are going to Haiti.

Tahiti?

No, Haiti.

You mean, as in big earthquake Haiti?

Yes that would be the Haiti I'm talking about.

Are you going on a mission trip?

Uh no, we are going on vacation.

Oh, I've never heard of anyone going to Haiti for vacation. Wow. Have a good time (this said with doubt and a tad bit of sarcasm).

This conversation or a similar one has taken place multiple times over the past few months. It saddens me. While I agree Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere, it is recovering from one of the biggest natural disasters of our time and it gets such ugly press,

Haiti is SO MUCH MORE!!!

Haiti has some of the most beautiful beaches I have ever seen.

The artwork is amazing. It's history is thought provoking.

The beer's pretty good, too!!!

Our trip isn't strictly pleasure. We have business to attend to. During our 10 days we will be busy but will be taking time to do absolutely nothing but walk away from reality and reconnect.

One of my goals during this trip is to document the beauty of Haiti. Show the world (or the 12 or so people who actually read our blog) why my heart bursts for this country. Prove to the nay-Sayer's in our life that it is possible to have a wonderful, exciting, relaxing and SAFE vacation in our home away from home.

But don't expect too much.

I'll be sitting right here...

 drinking a few of these...

and contemplating what the next 25 years will bring for us!!!

not sure I'll ever get back to blogging regularly

Once again it's been months. Perhaps it's time to delete the blog. With Facebook is it even needed? I'm not quite ready to delete it, I'll explain but first a little catching up...

April...

I got serious about losing a few pounds and decided to compete in my first ever 5K, the best part is it wasn't just a 5K, it was a Mudrun!!! Obstacles and lots of mud. It was awesome!

Me post-run

May...
Isaiah started school. He qualified for a special day class in the hopes he could get caught up for kindergarten. First day of school was really exciting!!! He even got to ride the bus.

Isaiah was so excited about riding the bus that Jody had to hold him back.

This little guy...                                                                 turned 18...

We added this sweet girl, Bailey, to our family.

Shane and Alex went to prom.

And the same night I got to see the amazing Sarah Wooten!!!

We aren't sure how but the Haitian Hurricane broke his foot.

June...

end of the school year and visitors!!! Lots of visitors. Nana drove down on Tuesday. Carsen got here on Wednesday. Andrew, Jaxon and Kayden flew in on Thursday. Melody surprised Carsen late Thursday night. Grandma and Amy were here on Saturday too. It was a crazy weekend.

 we went to Dillon Beach on Friday...

On Saturday, this amazing kid graduated...

On Sunday we celebrated these precious boys birthdays...

On Monday we headed to Lake Berryessa for Shane's graduation party.

And on Tuesday everyone left!!!

Isaiah got his cast off and 1 week later...







Dylan got one on.

So that's how the last 4 months have been. Crazy? Absolutely! Boring? Never! Would I change any of it? No way...well except maybe the broken bones.

So what does the next few months have in store for the Gray family...

In July Jody and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage. We are heading to Haiti. 10 days with no kids, warm weather and a country we love. We will get to see these beautiful boys...

Several days will be spent here...

And some time will be spent looking at houses, schools, stores etc. There is a possibility the Gray family may be returning to Haiti. Besides the fact that we love Haiti, we picked Haiti as a vacation destination so we could also do a little information gathering. We haven't been to Haiti since the earthquake. Before we can make a decision we have to make sure we can meet the needs of our family there. The only way to do that is to go!!! And that's why I'm not ready to delete the blog. If we move this will be the best way for our family and friends to stay connected.

In August I will finish my psychology program. I have a few elective units to do but as soon as I get those done I will have my BS in counseling psychology. It's been a great program, I've learned a lot and I've made some amazing friends but I am really glad I'm almost done with this part of my education journey. Our decision to go Haiti will determine my direction for continuing my education.

After that who knows...



Happy Anniversary

One year ago my baby girl took a vow in front of friends and family to devote her live to another. On that day she became Mrs. John Joshua Wemple. It was a day I'd thought about since the day she was born. I wanted my little girl to have a day that she felt like a princess and wanted her to know without a doubt at that moment she was the most beautiful person in the world.

She fulfilled that wish. Her dress was beautiful and fit her perfectly.

Her make-up and hair were gorgeous and brought out all her best features.

 Her skin glowed. Her outer beauty was evident to all who were fortunate to be in the room that chilly Spring night. But, none of those things are what made her the most beautiful person in the world. The beauty I'm talking about came from within.

 Carsen had an air of confidence that far exceeded her 23 years. There was a look in her eye that told all of us that she was in love with this man and knew, despite the trials they would be facing, she was making the right decision. There was a sweet anticipation of the life ahead of them. There was a sense of wonderment that God had brought her to this place so early in life.

The wedding was, I hope, everything she had dreamed it to be.

The last year has not been easy, John and Carsen were married for only 3 months when his deployment to the middle east started. John was granted a short leave for R&R a few weeks ago. 2/3 of their marriage has been spent apart.

It takes a tough woman to be married to a soldier. I was determined to raise a tough girl. Now I know why.

First anniversary gifts are traditionally paper. I'm much better at putting my thoughts down via a keyboard then I am on paper. So, John and Carsen this is my gift to you!

My prayer for you:
...for God's strength to be evident in your marriage.
...to always be each others biggest champions and best friend
...love unconditionally
...fight a fair fight when it's time to fight (and there will be fights)
...make-up passionately when it's time to make-up (and there will ALWAYS be a time to make-up)
...laugh together often
...cry together when necessary
...tackle conflicts together even when you are both afraid
...and most of all never forget that even in the darkest moments you have each other

Happy Anniversary, John and Carsen!!! I can't wait to see what amazing adventures God has in store for the two of you.

silence

Silence is a concept I struggle with. I'm not a silent person by nature. I speak what I feel. Often times without thinking first. Silence is also something I do not experience often. I have 6 kids at home. Silence does not come easy in this house. There is always someone making noise of some kind...always! I woke up at 6:00 am today. You would think with school age children they would want to sleep in on a Saturday morning. I thought I'd sneak downstairs, make a cup of tea and read...in silence. 

That. Did. Not. Happen.

One of my children who I often have to wake up on school mornings was already awake not only making noise but also making a mess. I used this as another opportunity to remind myself,

"My children are a blessing from God!

My children are a blessing from God!

My children are a

blessing from God!"

And then thought,

"why can I not get a moment of silence around here?!?"

Instead of losing my mind I asked myself the question, "What exactly is silence?" dictionary.com defines it as 1) absence of any sound or noise; stillness. In our world is it possible to truly have an absence of any sound or noise? Does this include the noise in our heads? I don't think it is possible.
However, I do believe its possible to experience "stillness", a stillness that isn't defined as a lack of movement but a stillness of our hearts and souls. A stillness that comes from resting in Jesus.

 Psalm 46:10, "He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;"

In our society it's hard to be still, we are constantly going, doing. We can connect with anyone via e-mail, Skype and social media at any time of the day. All of this connection often gets in the way of us connecting with the One we should the most!

How is it possible to be still with so much going on around us? I love the way the Message Bible puts this scripture,

"Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God!"

Isn't it time we step out of the traffic? Isn't it time to be still?

In what ways do you experience stillness in the midst of the traffic? Is there a silence for you even among the din of life?

If not, what can you do this week to "step out of the traffic"?

Silence may be golden but stillness should be cherished.

Lord Jesus,

Silence may not be possible in this house.

But I pray for the stillness

that only comes from You

to be discovered by all in our home.

Amen!

p.s.

God,

I'd be OK if You

wanted to send

a little silence too!!!

Just because I allow my children to continue to believe in Santa...

...does not mean I've taken "Christ" out of Christmas.

Childhood memories of waking up to that special present that came from Santa are dear to me. And so are the memories Jody and I are making staying up really late putting together toys such as bikes we should have paid to be assembled at the store.

When I was a kid there was never a need to make a choice between believing in Santa and believing in Christ. We knew that Christmas was about God sending His son to earth to be our Savior. We also knew that Santa choose that night to give gifts as a reminder of Christs love.

Believing in Santa does not take away my children's understanding of the true meaning of Christmas. Believing in Santa allows them to retain some of the wonderment of being a child. I'm not willing to rob them of that joy. There aren't many things left in the world that allow them to just be kids.

I've been told by many that is not fair to build up a fantasy that just isn't true. If that's the case, I guess I need to tell them that pixies don't fly, fish don't talk, mermaids don't exist and a spoonful of sugar doesn't help anything go down.

Childhood is all about fantasies and make believe. If you make the choice to not allow Santa in your house, that is your choice, however, I believe it is unfair to ruin the wonderment for my children by instructing your children (or worse for you) to tell them Santa doesn't exist!

Thank you from a Santa believing, Christ following Mom!!!

they all get their time...

I love each of my kids equally. Not the same because they are all unique but I don't love one more than the other. However, there are times when one gets to be in the "spot light". Its not playing favorites at all. It's about given them something extra because of the time it is in their lives.

When Carsen was young she loved to act. My favorite memories with her was being back stage helping with stage make-up for the shows she was in. The rest of the kids took a backseat while she took center stage. It didn't mean I loved her more, just meant I needed to give her something more at that time. She may have not needed me to, but I needed to!

Right now, its Shane's time. We schedule our entire family activities around Shane's schedule. He doesn't have as many chores to do. Dad gets up and makes him breakfast most mornings. He needs the added time to do his homework, added fuel for his body and more sleep. It's just the way it is during football season. He LOVES playing football and we love watching him. Football has become a way of life for us. The other kids don't always get it but they will.

I never thought I'd spend so much time (really to be honest never thought I'd spend ANY time) reading scouting reports my son brings home, talking about play calling, offensive plays and rankings. I've learned the difference between a full back and a wide receiver. I know how to spot a passing play before it happens. I count the bruises on my sons body without cringing (too much :) I love wearing his lettermens jacket to the games. I love being a football mom!

Tonight Shane may play in his very last organized football game. I hope it's not his last. I hope the team goes all the way to State. But, if they don't win tonight its over. major college ball isn't in the cards for Shane unless God blesses him with 3 or 4 more inches and 30-45 more pounds on his body. Shane knows that. He has accepted it, probably better than his dad or I.

Shane, no matter what happens tonight, I am so proud of you. I'm proud of the commitment you have made and stuck to, even when it would have been easier to quit. The things you have learned about commitment, teamwork and a strong work ethic while playing a "game" will be with you for the rest of your life. I love you!

Now, go kick some Tiger butt!!!